{Me and P looking not so perfect but that's life and you need a picture.}I just re-listened to Elder Russell M. Ballard's talk from Sunday and wanted to share something with you all. This is something that I want to yell from the rooftops but I fear the world so I keep it private. Some of you have heard me talk about this, while others probably have no idea.
About 8 months ago I found my life in a mentally unmanageable state for me and I couldn't help but ask myself, "Is this normal?" The answer was NO, it really isn't Meg. I called an old friend and counselor I visited while I went to College in Logan. He gave me the phone number of a Gentleman. When I call this man he gave me a list of names of woman who could probably help me. I prayed about the list and was guided to a very helpful counselor. My first visit with this woman and I found out I am kind of messed up. ;) {I smile because that's beautiful being perfectly imperfect.} I have unhealthy personality traits that are often acceptable/respected by society but very self destructive. I learned these things because I grew up in a home/life with an addict. Daddy, I love you with all my heart but it's true I learned some bad things that I thought would help us all survive. I'm not going to get into it much, besides to say I've started down a path of recovery that will probably last a life time.
I few months into my visits with my counselor she recommended I start going to LDS support meetings for Spouses, Family, and Friends of Addicts. I agree to give it a try, but wasn't too excited about the idea. She had me go to 3 different meetings so I could get a feel for each group and find a place I fit. I went to 2 meetings and they were just weird to me. I thought for sure this assignment wasn't going to work out for me. Then I found a listing for a meeting 30 minutes from my home that met right at Porter's bed time and felt like despite the inconvenience I should get myself there. I resisted for a few weeks and finally went with a very skeptical attitude. Little did I know, this group would change my life, humble me and bring me back to a peaceful place. I went to these meetings thinking I could lift and help others, that they needed me. 2 weeks into it I realized how much I needed them! This group just clicks for me, the missionaries are wonderful, the facilitator- I love her, the regulars are amazing people. I go every week that I can. Some weeks are harder than others depending on where I'm at emotionally but every week I feel the spirit and learn from the 12 steps that have been incorporated with the gospel. Each meeting is blessed by Heavenly Father and each person there is making a scarifies to Him to be there, the Holy Ghost can't ignore such a meeting. It's like church but with a very specific purpose. I leave each week feeling renewed, connected, and loved by my Savior and Heavenly Father. Knowing those things it doesn't matter how crazy I feel sometimes, how chaotic my life is, it's all going to be okay because God loves me! He guides my life and it's suppose to be exactly as it is, and I trust Him! So I KNOW, it's going to be okay.
I hope that each of you have such a place or ritual that brings you back to our Heavenly Father's love. This world and life seems constructed to make me forget but I'm grateful I never forget for very long. I love you all very much and appreciate you making this a safe place to share something so personal. There are people who just wouldn't understand, who would judge me, but I know you'll only love me more for my imperfection... THANK YOU!
All My Love,
Meghann
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